Need new perspective

Almost 2 weeks w/this Vertigo. the 1st week was the hardest, The room would spin so bad I would get so disoriented,forget what I was doing. I would end up going back to bed to sleep the med. off. It's an antihistamine so U get sleepy. I was dopey I couldn't function. I couldn't watch TV,read a book or work on my cards.This week I hadn't taken my med to go to a Dr's appt. the movement in the car going around curves was unsettling. On top of it the elevator came to a sudden jolt.That made me more dizzy. I had a bunch of sheets to fill out @ the Dr's office to update. I couldn't really see the fine print & I was tired.Plus the nerve pain in 2 fingers makes it hard for me to hold a pen Allen had to help me fill the papers out.
The heart dr. told me the echo showed some more heart weakness. My pumping capacity has dropped down from 5 to 10 %. that explains the fatigue I'm getting upon on exertion trying to get out to a Dr's appt.i get to the Dr's office already tired. I couldn't even look @my card mag's in my bag this week,just to wiped out. I have to remember to write e/thing down in detail to give to the Dr or I'm to tire to tell them.
This is really cutting into my c/making time. This is my busiest time of the year. I have d/lines to meet for C-mas cards for my GI's. I still don't know how long it takes cards to get to Kuwait.I still haven't heard from 2 of my contacts yet.
My c/making is my sanity valve. Not being able to work in there I don't have a chance to work out my frustrations. I'm having to look 2 what is a priority for that day. If I don't get up & cook 1st thing when I get up I don't have the energy to cook later on. I having to think who is the setting the d/lines. Is this one I'm putting on myself?
I've to come up w/ a comprise on my c-mas cards. Last year I did 2 s/ments of cards. 1 for them to send home to family etc. I have to get them in the mail by 1st of Nov., the latest for them to send back to the states. I can see I'm not going to be able to do that. I don't have anything ready for C-mas this year.
In order to make peace w/myself I decided I can only do 1 s/ment of cards. I decided to focus in on the ones to go to them for C-mas day. I have already been experimenting w/ w/color pencil wash for a b/ground. If I have to I may do an alcohol ink or a chalk b/ground that would be quicker. I want to do a deer card. I found a magnificent buck I printed off & have chalked them. I have some trees stamped off for the b/ground. I also want to use my l/house stamp Jan gave me for some state C-mas cards. I do have items collected ready to collage. I found C-mas brads on E-bay for cheap.It just getting the energy & time to work in ther.
I have finished up my fall cards. My VT cards went in the mail early this week. I just put the rest of the material for fall card away instead of getting frustrated on not making more of them. I did make some vintage T-giving cards the other nite I couldn't sleep. Polly's scraps ,she gave me came in handy both for my fall & T-giving cards.
I have been surfing the web look for free digi's to color. sitting still @ the computer is a way to deal w/ the dizziness. If I sit still, it doesn't spin on me.I found some vintage beehives I printed off for Jenny,my DIL. I also found some cute bee's I printed off. I put yellow Stickles on the wings. I distressed the c/stock w/ Ranger 's ink. I also used some of my core-nation choc. that I sanded down to use as b/ground for the inside.she like bees,her n/name is Jennie Bee.
On top of it Allen has had a rough week. His blood sugar crashed bad @ work this week. the same day we went to the heart dr. Going out to an appt. means I come home & crash in my recliner. I t takes all the energy & sleep I need to just get out the door.
They put him on a new med to better regulate his blood sugar. Plus he's having problems w/blurred vision & light sensitivity. to the point it's making it hard for him to see the screen @ work to program.He's trying to find out if any of his med's may be doing this,his allergy shots etc. It's been a rough week for both of us
My concern is what am I'm going to do as I lose more heart strength & my fatigue level goes up. I have a Puritan work ethic.I always focus in on s/thing to look for ward to get thru the bad times.My scared cow, "my cards" already been compromised. i thought I could deal w/ this when it happened but not really when I'm here & have to accept the fact my heart isn't going to bounce back this time. I go in for a 24 hr holster in early Nov. to look for irregular heart beats. A lot of PVC's showed up on my sleep study & ER visit but none on the EKG @ Dr's office.also will check the blood flow to my legs. How are Allen & I going to deal w/ this when I can't hire anyone to help since I don't get SSD???
+++ side is I have had 4 1/2 years they said I wouldn't had, I did get 100 cards sent out to my GI's in early Sept. I did get to have A RS class @ my house for stamping. I was on a Thur, nite, The mystery heart episode was on Sun. ER visit was Mon am.

Vertigo bad!!!!

Told this dizziness can last months. Get so dizzy I get disoriented. Won't be here for awhile
Ended up in ER Mon am w/it. Had gone in for Echo @ 7:30 am. Results wont be back til Mon. am appt. Fatigue levels gone sky high over the w/end. Having trouble concentrating & remembering things. Having to crash in recliner or bed. Too much fatigue upon exertion.
Not happy camper over this. Supposed to be 65F next Wed. Have been waiting to cool off enough to bake. No extra food in freezer,frig. or shelves for my Gluten free diet. Projects backed up on table.Busiest time of the year for me. Have no C-mas projects started. Was trying to finish up fall cards so I can get my C-mas cards ready for my GI's in the mail in 2 weeks.
Alot of dr. appts etc have sprung up. Have dr. appts the next 2 weeks. These trips are wiping me a lot for the rest of the day into the next.Supper is even harder for me to cook. Any movement makes e/thing go spinning around.Med. in the am takes along time to kick in. some days I'm really in the dumps all I do I'm in the recliner or bed & n/ing gets done.

Shower triggered 160/100 BP

I have had problems w/ showers for awhile. It takes me all day to rest just to have energy to take one. Allen has to help me since I have to take all my bracing off. I no longer have strength in my knees to get off the bath stool since I have lost muscle strength because of my post polio. I'm really wiped out from 2-4 hrs a/wards. I have been getting dizzy from the shower @ times lately & tell allen to get me in & out quickly. As it is I'm down to 1 shower a week. Thank goodness for baby wipes ,sponge baths etc. when hot.
I decided after the 1st day in the hospital when I slept all day, I ask for help w/ a shower. I had a good nurse's aide. I was behind on taking a shower because I didn't feel good. I told Alllen if I ran into problems I was already @ the hospital. After I got out of the shower, we used my w/c to take me to bed ,I didn' walk back to the bed. I told her I feel really dizzy,U better take my BP. I had warned her before hand I had been having problems & would be really wiped out & I would need her help. Luckly the other aide was coming around taking them. It had soared up to 160/110. That am w/ my new BP med it was down to 115/84. Needless to say they wouldn't let me up for 3 hours out of bed. They made me use the bedpan. This time a heart Dr. came in, shortly, a new team this time,he saw what was happening. Finally s/one saw the problems I have been having.
An echo was ordered,which later came back good. My valves aren't leaking ,which happened 5 yrs ago w/ my 1st trip to the hospital. My pumping capacity is @ 59 % which is better than 5 yrs ago @ 30%. He later told me my high BP is a result of my lungs not getting saturated enough w/ 0-2. If we don't get the BP under control it will affect my kidneys next!!
I left the hospital w/ Spriva,a broncial dialtor,a new BP med. TheRN told me to turn up my 0-2 to 4 l's while taking a shower.

Perlpexed,frustrated&MAD!!!!!!!!!!

Fiday HP announced as April all employees get a 10% pay cut. It's supposed to be for a month. We will see on that. We have already have had 5% paycut,so this means we're going to be short 15% short on income.We have medical bills incurred from my rapid weight loss. My medications are expensive even w/co-pay. I get no SSD,I'm 4 credits short. I can't work to make up the loss income. I'm have to cancel my heart appt. They will want an echo & the co-pay up front. I have pushed my sleep study till June. They have to adjust the pressure on my machine since I lost 30 #'s. Dr Diaz willl work w/us on a payment schedule
Allen was supposed to have a day off to do things around the house &yard before its gets too hot & windy here. They kept calling him. This is what makes me MAD,MAD,MAD!!!! He puts hours in for them & we don't have the money to leave the house to get away!!!!!!!!!!! They made him a T-val,mgt postion w/no extra money,no raise ,& now 15% salary cut. Allen is under great stress both @ work & trying to scrap up money.We're now @ the point of 3yrs ago salary. We couldn't make it then.
No trips for s/bk supplies. I using my stuff in my stash. I'm lucky a friend mailed me extra stuff she wasn't using.@ C-mas. This means my Iraq card project to another soldier is put on hold. There is no Hallmark store for the troops to get cards to send home etc. My 1st shipment in Feb. was graciously accepted. She was able to use my cards for V-day to send to family etc. I never sell my cards, I give them away. It would take away the fun of making them. I love the fact I can make somebody's day. I have the twins 30th b-day coming up in July.