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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Need new perspective

Almost 2 weeks w/this Vertigo. the 1st week was the hardest, The room would spin so bad I would get so disoriented,forget what I was doing. I would end up going back to bed to sleep the med. off. It's an antihistamine so U get sleepy. I was dopey I couldn't function. I couldn't watch TV,read a book or work on my cards.This week I hadn't taken my med to go to a Dr's appt. the movement in the car going around curves was unsettling. On top of it the elevator came to a sudden jolt.That made me more dizzy. I had a bunch of sheets to fill out @ the Dr's office to update. I couldn't really see the fine print & I was tired.Plus the nerve pain in 2 fingers makes it hard for me to hold a pen Allen had to help me fill the papers out.
The heart dr. told me the echo showed some more heart weakness. My pumping capacity has dropped down from 5 to 10 %. that explains the fatigue I'm getting upon on exertion trying to get out to a Dr's appt.i get to the Dr's office already tired. I couldn't even look @my card mag's in my bag this week,just to wiped out. I have to remember to write e/thing down in detail to give to the Dr or I'm to tire to tell them.
This is really cutting into my c/making time. This is my busiest time of the year. I have d/lines to meet for C-mas cards for my GI's. I still don't know how long it takes cards to get to Kuwait.I still haven't heard from 2 of my contacts yet.
My c/making is my sanity valve. Not being able to work in there I don't have a chance to work out my frustrations. I'm having to look 2 what is a priority for that day. If I don't get up & cook 1st thing when I get up I don't have the energy to cook later on. I having to think who is the setting the d/lines. Is this one I'm putting on myself?
I've to come up w/ a comprise on my c-mas cards. Last year I did 2 s/ments of cards. 1 for them to send home to family etc. I have to get them in the mail by 1st of Nov., the latest for them to send back to the states. I can see I'm not going to be able to do that. I don't have anything ready for C-mas this year.
In order to make peace w/myself I decided I can only do 1 s/ment of cards. I decided to focus in on the ones to go to them for C-mas day. I have already been experimenting w/ w/color pencil wash for a b/ground. If I have to I may do an alcohol ink or a chalk b/ground that would be quicker. I want to do a deer card. I found a magnificent buck I printed off & have chalked them. I have some trees stamped off for the b/ground. I also want to use my l/house stamp Jan gave me for some state C-mas cards. I do have items collected ready to collage. I found C-mas brads on E-bay for cheap.It just getting the energy & time to work in ther.
I have finished up my fall cards. My VT cards went in the mail early this week. I just put the rest of the material for fall card away instead of getting frustrated on not making more of them. I did make some vintage T-giving cards the other nite I couldn't sleep. Polly's scraps ,she gave me came in handy both for my fall & T-giving cards.
I have been surfing the web look for free digi's to color. sitting still @ the computer is a way to deal w/ the dizziness. If I sit still, it doesn't spin on me.I found some vintage beehives I printed off for Jenny,my DIL. I also found some cute bee's I printed off. I put yellow Stickles on the wings. I distressed the c/stock w/ Ranger 's ink. I also used some of my core-nation choc. that I sanded down to use as b/ground for the inside.she like bees,her n/name is Jennie Bee.
On top of it Allen has had a rough week. His blood sugar crashed bad @ work this week. the same day we went to the heart dr. Going out to an appt. means I come home & crash in my recliner. I t takes all the energy & sleep I need to just get out the door.
They put him on a new med to better regulate his blood sugar. Plus he's having problems w/blurred vision & light sensitivity. to the point it's making it hard for him to see the screen @ work to program.He's trying to find out if any of his med's may be doing this,his allergy shots etc. It's been a rough week for both of us
My concern is what am I'm going to do as I lose more heart strength & my fatigue level goes up. I have a Puritan work ethic.I always focus in on s/thing to look for ward to get thru the bad times.My scared cow, "my cards" already been compromised. i thought I could deal w/ this when it happened but not really when I'm here & have to accept the fact my heart isn't going to bounce back this time. I go in for a 24 hr holster in early Nov. to look for irregular heart beats. A lot of PVC's showed up on my sleep study & ER visit but none on the EKG @ Dr's office.also will check the blood flow to my legs. How are Allen & I going to deal w/ this when I can't hire anyone to help since I don't get SSD???
+++ side is I have had 4 1/2 years they said I wouldn't had, I did get 100 cards sent out to my GI's in early Sept. I did get to have A RS class @ my house for stamping. I was on a Thur, nite, The mystery heart episode was on Sun. ER visit was Mon am.

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