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Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm Blue w/o You!

I had the blues real bad Sat. DH is gone to Conn. for 5 days to go to his Mom's surprise 8oth b-day party. My twins, g/kids were there along w/ Allen. I can't fly since I'm on 0-2. It took Allen 12 hrs to get there from El Paso to Conn.
I'm blessed I live in a good LDS ward here, El Paso 1st ward.Our compassionate service leader & her DH came Fri. am. Allen had gone to the store Thur. nite. & washed 2 loads of laundry before he left. He didn't have time to wash some dishes in the sink. W/ a w/c dishing washing is a wet job etc.
Sis. Flores brought me a big chicken salad for lunch & some fresh fruit etc. They cleaned up the dishes, clean 2 brms, mopped the kitchen hall & brm floors for us before they left.This will be a nice surprise for Allen when he gets home. He has to do these chores on top of working,running errands & taking me to Dr's appt.
It made me realize how quickly they could do those jobs vs how long it takes me now to do s/thing & how long I have to rest after ward
It also is making me realize how quickly my heart is taking me down in the last 6 mo's. I can't fool myself anymore, I really can't stay in this house if anything happened to Allen. I can no longer take care of myself w/ others to help me. this is a bitter pill to swallow since I used to be a very independent person. Even w/ my post-polio, I could figure some way to work around the problem. It might take me longer than a normal person, but I got it done
I wouldn't be here the last 5 yrs w/o Allen's help. He really is my lifeline. Like my son said I have spent 1/2 of my life w/ him. We have known each other for 33 trs.I can't turn on the TV,because it's s/thing we do together @ nite watching our favo shows together.
I have plenty of food in the frig. I just don't feel like eating or eating by myself.
Fluffy spent the a/noon sleeping on my chest in the recliner. If I got up she followed me around. I slept a lot Thur since I was really tired from Wed. I had to rake my laxative before Allen left since s/one has to be around if I have a fall etc. This really wipes me out. DH was up late packing his suitcase since he was waiting on clean clothes to dry.
Taco my chihuahua stayed out in the front yard all day. He wouldn't come in til night. It was like he was this "mean hombre" guarding the yard. Anyone walking by he would run & bark @ them. I was going to leave them out in the front yard for the nite. DH puts them out in the back yard @ nite to run around etc. I did that & they let me know real quick they weren't staying out @ ALL!!Boy once U rescue a dog U have a loyal & devoted companion for life. George came in & slept on his robe in my craft rm last nite when I was s/booking. He kept scratching on the door to come in.
I don't think I could get thru what I have to go thru w/o Allen being here. I don't think I could handle the stress w/ my heart if he suddenly died on me.I t would be like losing my best friend. I guess U just get used to the routine & the mannerisms of Ur partner
It made me realize just how much he really does for me each day.
plus the frustration of my Dr's office putting me on hold on the phone x 2 days & not refilling a pres. for me. Also it be 2 wks & no one knows where my paper work is for me to get my power chair. I spent 6 hrs there in the process of getting the paper work filled out. I'm trapped in the house & can't get to the Dr's office tio rattle some cages.

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